Riot and Frolic

Olympic Gold Medal Ballroom Dancer (Or How to Write a Resumé)

This is has nothing to do with how to write a resume, in case you came across this on a Google search.  Or the Olympics.

For years, I've come across dancers' resumés and bios where people have billed themselves as Champion of So-and-So/Professional Blah-Blah-De-Blah/World's Greatest of Whatever.  And I love the self-confidence of throwing these titles out into the world and believing people are too busy to do an internet search.

Personally, I am an Olympic gold medalist ballroom dancer.  

I AM KIDDING. 

I am the champion of nothing, but I have had a pretty decent career in ballroom dancing.  You can still Google results I had from 2005, not to mention many after that.  And I'm "old", AKA Instagram didn't exist until I was well into my professional career. 

I'm in an industry where the people who compete professionally are working to be the best.  Like, HUNDREDS of couples are out there, every year, trying to be the best.  Taking coaching, traveling, buying costumes, practicing, working their asses off, ALL WANTING TO BE THE BEST.  And you know how many people win a national title every year in their style? One couple.  Two if you want to be generous and add in the rising star title, but then you're on a slippery slope to adding in the winners of the biggest or most prestigious or longest running or it's-nearly-the nationals comps that are out there.  

IT'S OKAY NOT TO HAVE WON.

Oh, don't get me wrong, it sucks.  I didn't spend thousands of dollars and hours and tears and swear words to be a completely adequate professional.  But this was the path I chose.  

AND I DON'T CLAIM I WON A BUNCH OF SHIT I DIDN'T WIN IN THE HOPES NO ONE REMEMBERS THE DANCESPORT SCENE 10 YEARS AGO.

BECAUSE THEY DO.

People who know what you did, know what you did.  Those knowledgeable people will search you out for their desired dance experience.  Personally, if I'm looking for a Rhythm coach, I know that person's name and how to contact them.

But the people who don't know, don't care.  If someone is Google-searching "ballroom dance lessons", they want a great teacher. People who don't know about the dance scene want to learn about dancing from someone who a) knows how to get them to dance b) is fun to be around.

As with massaging titles in one's resumé, samesies for using the signifier "professional".  Here's a definition:

• [only before noun] connected with a job that needs special training or skill, especially one that needs a high level of education/professional qualifications/skills/professional standards/practicea. "An opportunity for professional development" "If it's a legal matter, you need to seek professional advice."
• (abbreviation pro) (of sports) done as a paid job to make a living and not as a hobby [editor's note - even if paid]

There are MANY amazing amateurs in, let's say BALLROOM DANCING. But being an amateur ballroom dancer and a professional ballroom dancer are two different things.  There are different competitions and titles between the two, and an implied level of proficiency at, oddly, teaching ballroom dancing when one calls themselves a professional and often a time commitment surpassing even world-class amateurs.

Lastly, using time as an indicator of awesomeness also needs to stop.

"I've been playing trombone for 30 years" is true, except should we really count that first four years when I didn't really know what I was doing, or the years I loved band, but hated practice, or those 21 years after my band years where I didn't play one toot, but now have recently literally picked it back up again?  Pro'lly not.

Time spent at something is no indication of passion, talent, hours practiced, skill, or proficiency. It might simply indicate a prolonged tolerance for a certain activity.    

When you have to write that damn bio or resumé, stick to the facts of your awesomeness [there are many, I swear].  Find the best [most accurate and encapsulating] adjectives. Use testimonials and references. Have your friends help [they remember your best qualities better than you do, I swear].

You don't need a trophy or an inflated title, or a made-up title, or lifetime of experience to be really great at something.  But you do need that passion, talent, hours practiced, skill, and proficiency.  

GO GET IT.

Riot and Frolic : A Podcast

Coming soon to Apple and now on Spotify, here's my voice, reading what you may have already read.

In perhaps a timely reminder for some locals, Episode 1 is "Things You Can Control at a Ballroom Dance Competition".

Star Wars references abound, my friends.

 

Going Out with Kids : A Primer

A few years ago, I loved reading a particularly snarky, but helpful parenting column on some website.  The author I enjoyed most had three kids [maybe I did as well at the time] and was so funny and practical.  A few months down the line, she admitted she never took out all her kids at the same time WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE, but made me feel like a damn intrepid explorer when I took my kids ANYWHERE (and we did/do... a lot... especially when it was "only" three... and yes, "only three kids" is a ridiculous concept for many people, including me... still).

Clearly, a few years ago, in Atlanta

Now, I don't often talk about how to do ANYTHING as a parent of kids, because there are few areas I feel more inept in.  And since all kids are different and so are all parents and babysitters/nannies/caretakers, if I give any advice, it's usually, "Do what works for you."

BUT I have learned a few things on my errands and adventures with my Bratt Army (thanks, KIAH) that might help the average Joe.

It doesn't matter where you're going

The kids want to go.  Somewhere.  With you.  Always.  

It could be to the mailbox or Disneyland and the excitement level would probably be about the same.  

Set expectations

Whether it's the mailbox, Disneyland, or more importantly, TARGET, tell them what's going to happen.  

"We're walking to the mailbox, opening the mailbox, taking out the mail, then walking back to the house with the mail.  Got it?"

Then, if you stop to smell the literal roses?  DAY MADE, PEOPLE.  You went above and beyond and they are like "WE HAD AN ADVENTURE."

YOU MIGHT THINK I'M CRAZY RIGHT NOW.  

You are thinking, "No kid thinks walking to a mailbox and diverting from the agreed upon agenda by stopping to smell some flowers is an adventure."

YOU ARE WRONG.

Every night for about ten years, whoever is home at bedtime and has the ability to form a somewhat coherent thought says two things they are thankful for.  The percentage of times something outrageously simple and inconsequential has made the list is probably around 30%.  So don't count out the trip to the mailbox, gentle providers.

Keep your own expectations LOW

Thankfully, my kids don't mind being in the car.  I let them request songs and I have their favorite playlists and albums ready to go, so we can go for a half hour drive to get somewhere EASILY.

Regardless, anywhere I go I am expecting the following to happen:

• someone will hate the trip and want to leave immediately
• someone will love the trip and want to stay indefinitely
• someone will do something embarrassing 
• someone will throw up

The first two circumstances just ARE and complaining will be involved.  I have a pretty solid "Complaining = extra work/no dessert" rule, but there are still personalities to manage, so do your best. (Also, you can complain about my parenting style, but then I'll give you some chores or eat your dessert, so YOUR CHOICE). 

As for the last two instances, my embarrassment threshold is very, very high, especially after doing some light research for the Dancetastic side of things, and having seven kids.  But time dilation and the spotlight effect are stupid tricks in your mind that make it feel like everyone in the room has stopped what they're doing and is, hands on their hips, looking at you. If anyone is actually judging you in either of those circumstances instead of shutting their mouths or helping you, you would be totally within your rights to hope they slip on your toddler's vomit.

Having these expectations in mind helps keep things in perspective and if none of them happens YOU went on an adventure.

Pack light

This seems like a recipe for disaster, but I swear, you don't need all the things Pinterest tells you you need when you go to the park.

I do have :

• a standard first aid kit in my car's glovebox
• three diapers and a container of wipes (for two kids in diapers; I just carry the largest size diaper because that is the best choice I ever made)
• a scarf, no matter the weather (what else am I going to clean up throw-up with, or use as a onesie/shirt/skirt if someone makes a huge mess, or use as a bib for me or the newest drooly one, or a picnic blanket, or WHATEVER; SCARVES ARE EVERYDAY HEROES)
• snacks (BUT DON'T TELL THE CHILDREN; and make it something small, easily packable, silly, and maybe not healthy, like fruit snacks or Cheetos or beef sticks)
• a water bottle (I have a 40oz bad boy, so that suffices for all)
• keys, wallet, and phone

Extra if I'm feeling fancy :

• stroller (or more likely a baby carrier)

Plan for an hour, tops

Including travel time.

At least to start out.  

Then plan on an hour without travel time.  

EVEN IF THINGS ARE GOING GREAT AFTER AN HOUR, GET OUT OF DODGE.

As bitter as anyone might be to "stop having fun", it's better to leave them wanting more and in control of their emotions than be dragging a crying, screaming kid who needs a nap and played too long out of the zoo/aquarium/Target/children's museum/park/lake/grandma's house. 

Don't plan on An Afternoon until you feel really comfortable with an hour.

Make plans for the future

Whether you're leaving a fun destination or not buying them some awesomely stupid toy at the store, stave off crabbiness by TAKING PICTURES.  Or at least talking about the experience, what they liked, and what you could do next time.

Kids want to buy everything, so if they're particularly attached to something, whip out your trusty handheld device and take a picture of them with the Tamagotchi of the day.  Built in birthday list, but they'll probably forget about it within an hour and you'll save $10! (If you're anti-technology, PROPS TO YOU, and you could write it down on an actual list for you/them.)

Samesies with leaving a fun spot.  Take a picture of them at the place and then remember a good field trip destination for the future or at least a happy memory.

In conclusion, getting out of the house with any number of kids deserves applause (and quite often an adult beverage) and ire from NO ONE. Training new humans to be good, older humans often requires you to help them experience new things, circumstances, people, and places.  Sometimes it evens help us older humans to be better, as well!

Go forth and conquer!

 

Finding (and Sticking to) a Niche

Several years ago, we had newly leased and renovated an old ballroom in Saint Paul.  

We were working 10am - 10pm Monday - Saturday, teaching many private lessons, practicing 10+ hours a week for national competitions, hosting 1-2 group classes a day, and holding ballroom dance group classes for private events and corporations in the “off hours”.  

A lady called and wanted to rent our space on Easter Sunday, so she could host the meal for 40+ members of her family.  I told her we’re weren’t available for rentals, and we weren’t open on Sundays. 

“Well, the previous tenant let us rent the space.”

I told her that, being a ballroom dance studio, we didn’t have chairs besides the permanent ones that were bolted around the edge of the floor.

“Can’t you just buy a few tables and chairs?”

Clearly, she was not to be deterred by lack of availability or equipment.  

“Since we don’t do event rentals, we wouldn’t have use for them besides your brunch.  Also, we don’t have a kitchen, “ I replied.

She proceeded to tell me that she could supply chairs and tables for her party and they would carry their Easter brunch for 40+ people up the rather steep stairs to the second floor ballroom.

“Ma’am, we don’t do event rentals beyond dance events. We actually just got the historic wood floor refinished and don’t even allow street shoes on it.  Also, we don’t have a cleaning person available and we’re booked with lessons starting at 10am the next day.”

“WELL, we’re just EATING.”

Refraining from sharing any anecdotal evidence that eating was by far the messiest thing that could happen in our ballroom next to jello wrestling, I reiterated my refusal and many previous points of being unavailable, not among which was that is was Easter Sunday and we would be having our own family gathering and would not available to oversee the rental.

THEN she asked how much we charged for rental, which I believe was $150/hour.

“WHAT?! The previous tenant let us pay-what-we-will!  It was really a community space.”

[HEAVES SIGH]

I own a ballroom dance school that is open 60+ hours a week.  We have employees that ballroom dance professionally, train to teach ballroom dance, have over 40 years of experience, practice 10+ hours a week outside of teaching times, have danced in 100s of competitions, have been hired for dozens of shows, and have made medal podiums as professionals and with their students.  

Ballroom dancing is different than country dancing, swing dancing, salsa dancing, pole dancing, break dancing or hip-hop, tap/jazz/ballet/lyrical/contemporary, line dancing, and belly dancing.  There are different companies, businesses, and individuals that are trained in those areas.  No, I do not know all of their names and contact information, but I've heard Google is a thing. 

We are not just an open space.  We are not an unoccupied studio.  We have a few chairs, mirrors, and props for teaching and we occupy our space nearly 12 hours a day.

We are not equipped for sit-down events and we do not have a kitchen.  We do not have the inclination to invest in the equipment to make either of those things a reality.  We do not have the energy outside our very successful business model to make a very different business viable and successful, or enjoyable for the customers looking for those services. 

There's something to be said for branching out, and diversifying, and something about seven streams of income, but also DO WHAT YOU'RE GOOD AT.  I make no excuses for the fact that I don't teach Lindy dancing (I could, and love Lindy, but there are delightful people who are great at it), Argentine tango (samesies), zydeco, pole dancing, belly dancing, line dancing, kizomba, etc., etc., etc. If I knew I could provide an awesome, exemplary service to people in any of those disciplines, I would provide them.  I am well-trained in teaching the narrow and vast art of ballroom dancing and I don't provide space rental, event planning services, or tap dance lessons. 

You wouldn’t ask a piano teacher to teach you to play the trombone.  You wouldn’t ask your kickboxing gym to do ballet classes. You wouldn't ask a doctor to check out your teeth.  

OMG.  WOULD YOU?

I love teaching ballroom dance and would love to teach you ballroom dance.  

The end.

How to Annoy Your Pro

I love you guys.  I really do.  I couldn't make a living without you.  [Ba dum ching!] But mostly, I really love you guys.  Your dedication, your talent, your attitude, your drive, all make me want you a big hug and pat on the back... after you do that move 20 more times perfectly.  

BUT, sometimes, you do some stuff that bugs me.  And I want you to stop that.  And do that move again, better.  But mostly,

Here are things I want you to stop doing on (or around) ballroom dance lessons

Apologize.  If you did it perfectly, we wouldn't make a living.  

Voluntarily tell us you didn't practice.  If we ask, say something insanely clever like "I plead the 5th".  But don't just 'fess up to not spending 2 minutes working on posture, Rumba walks, or that damn oversway right off the bat.

Don't practice.  Even if it's just a couple minutes a day.  I LITERALLY HAVE A CATALOG OF EXERCISES YOU CAN DO IN TWO MINUTES.

Blame us for your results at a competition.  You didn't win that thing that you sometimes win?  Can I list off the factors of why that might be? [I can; they're right here.]

Don't know what you need at a comp (psychologically, physically, emotionally).  I need everyone to stay the hell away from me while I have my headphones on as I'm stretching out and doing mental run-throughs in the corner (I don't even have music on, I'm just being a loner).  My partner likes to keep moving and talking to people.  We compromise to keep both of us sane.  Figure out what helps you before you hit the floor and communicate that.  

Forget all knowledge the day of coaching.  "I'm supposed to take a toe lead on 3? I've never heard that before!"  Please, just nod and smile and work hard on coaching.  Because, apparently, the dance celebrities make you lose your mind.

Don't do what we tell you to do.  The thing we're telling you to do might sound stupid and you might not know the end game, but do the thing we're telling you to do.  DO IT.  And stop arguing with us about it.  Or rationalizing why it's hard/you feel stupid/you don't want to.  We're the teachers.  You're the student.  Deal with it.

Don't trust us.  If you really believe your teacher is up to no good, you should probably start shopping for a new pro.  We are up to good things for you.  There is no glory in holding you back, giving you bad information, or steering you wrong.  

• If you look good, we look good.  
• Are you working on the same thing as that girl over there in your same proficiency level?  Maybe not.  Are you working on the same thing as that girl over there, but do I use completely different words and techniques to get you to do it?  Maybe.  
• Your background and learning style make for two very different learning experiences.  
• Don't expect to hear the same words from your teacher as he's teaching another student in the same level and especially not from a different instructor.  

Complain about us to other students and teachers.  It's way easier NOT to tell us straight to our face that you don't think you should be working on your topline right now because everyone else seems to be working on adding new choreography or that your lessons never start on time or that there's a spot on the floor that you swear is cursed, but coming directly to us with your problems and complaints will probably solve the problem a lot faster and keep our awesome relationship unscathed.  

Teach.  No, we don't care if you teach your students.  We do care if on a lesson with you, our [fairly rightful] place is usurped because you want to add a new trick that you saw on YouTube or you think the connection should go like this or you are falling over over here and want us to do something inherently wrong to fix the thing.  Again, we're pretty sure that you are paying us for our greater knowledge base.  Sure, you can take over, but attaining your dance goals might take a bit longer, too.  [And okay, we hate it when you teach other students, as well.]

 

FUN FACT:

I had this as a draft from YEARS ago (yes, 2015) and all I did was add some links.  It was a little shocking how much it still applies.  Since many people are getting back into dancing after a forced hiatus, it's nice to remember how to behave in the studio AND REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU.