Riot and Frolic

I'm Not A Beauty Blogger

I do not qualify in any way as a beauty expert, except that my sister-in-law stated that "I've never seen anyone in the real world, outside ballroom dancing, do contouring well."

So there's my qualification.  Not a great resume, but let's run with it.

I have four products that make my life infinitely easier and help me look like I care about my looks on the daily, but here's a secret:

Deborah Lippman Gel Lab Pro

Problems:

I never think I have time to let my nails dry after I paint them.

I can't stand it when nail polish chips, but I wash dishes, and build shit, and paint, and lift things, and type, and use my hands A LOT.

I like super bright colors... that show chips.

Solution:

This crazy base and top coat.  I bought it after buying a couple of Deborah Lippman's nail colors, which are always amazing (I also love Ciaté London colors and lasting power), and this stuff did not disappoint.  After using it, I went to get a "real" maincure for an event, the nail tech asked me if I had gels on, because it was NOT coming off with regular remover.  

I can wash a week's worth of dishes (think of how much I cook and how many people I feed) before there's even wear on the edges.  It is amazing.  Highly recommend.

Lipsense

Problem:

I talk. A lot.  Especially when I'm teaching, but also, just... always.

Lipstick will not stay on through my jabbering and it's my go-to "hey, look at how good I look" makeup move.  

"Long-lasting" lipsticks have generally felt kind of gross and dry. 

Reapplying lipstick between rounds of dancing was annoying, so much more so than that extra layer of hairspray.

Solution:

Lipsense.  Yes, that whole MLM product that someone has tried to get you to buy in a Facebook party.  Well, I love it.  I got one, tried it, and now I have 12 more.

It stays on through teeth brushing, my talking, eating almost everything (greasy burgers are the exception), sleeping (WHAT? SOMETIMES I DON'T TAKE OFF MY MAKEUP AT NIGHT), dancing, workouts, lots of sweating (aka comps and shows), and swimming (because sometimes you get fancy and then hang at the pool).  The colors are bright (well, the ones I get) and awesome.  It doesn't feel like hell 12 hours after I put it on.

I'm sure it doesn't work for everyone, but good God, I love it.

I DO NOT SELL IT.  I'm sure you know someone who does.  Ask me if you want a hook-up, though, because my girl is great.

Stila Stay All Day Liquid Eyeliner

Problem:

I have hooded eyelids.

I have slightly oily skin.

I sweat when I do active things (which is often).

I like eyeliner.

Solution:

This eyeliner.  I have tried MANY other products (including cult fav Kat Von D and the kind from the aforementioned makers of Lipsense, among others) and this one stays ALL DAY, as advertised.  I don't need to use an eyeshadow base with it, which is nice, because while I like to look put together:

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz

Problem:

Eyebrows are annoying.  

Solution:

This pencil.  It stays on through all those previously mentioned activities, and is pretty foolproof to apply.

 

What are your go-to "I look put-together" products?  

 

This is for Tracy.  ^^^ :)

And So It Begins...

It's Ash Wednesday and that means the start of Lent and that means I'm coining the hashtag #NewLentNewIntent BECAUSE I AM A HUGE DORK.

But guys.  

I am giving up flour this year.  

Yeah yeah yeah, I know many of my buddies have had to do this for medical reasons and whatnot, and there are a million harder things to do, but SHUT UP I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD ONE AND I'M STICKING WITH IT.

Do you "do" Lent?  Do you give up stuff or try to add a good thing to your day?  Don't you feel like Lent is sort of a latecomer's New Year's?  And WHY is the Easter season so hilariously out of tune with the regular calendar this year [Ash Wednesday on Valentine's Day and Easter on April Fool's Day]?

Happy Lenting, y'all.

 

For the Mamas (Rookies and Veterans)

Ladies, stop peeing your pants.  

I'm not kidding, mamas.  It's not normal.

I've had a more than a few children, which should put me solidly in the Peeing Your Pants is Cool Club from my in-depth analysis of the market*, but I refuse to join. 

For years, I have heard off-hand comments from all ages of mothers like, "Well, I had kids, so... you know." 

You know, in reference to strenuous exercise (hey Latin dancers during Jive), or other jumping up and down things, or coughing, or sneezing. 

The adult diaper market is on the rise, and not for 80 year olds.  They're targeting 30-50 year old women!  Because we think peeing your pants after having kids is normal.

!!!

WTF, women. 

It is not.

Would we really rather buy DIAPERS than do a few really simple exercises to fix the problem?

Good God, I'm not a doctor, but:

If this is happening to you, it's diastasis recti and not to be dramatic, but it's ruining your life.  It can cause incontinence (NO), bad posture (NAY) , a belly pooch (let's avoid that as much as possible), pain during sex (NO AGAIN), AND THE WEARING OF DIAPERS AS AN ADULT.

Probably most importantly though, it'll make dancing more difficult until you strengthen your pelvic floor.  And even non-mamas can give this stuff a whirl for a stronger core.

It doesn't matter if your baby is 35 days or 35 years old or nonexistent, this whole DR thing can be fixed.  

Here are some great resources for rehabbing your abs:

The MuTu System (BIG FAN of this program)

Pregnancy Exercise (a $10 program with lots of options)

Deliciously Fit N Healthy (it's free and I love her workouts in general, but her DR ones are awesome)

Not to mention you could Google that shit and get about a million more options.  Or talk to a doctor.  Or physical therapist.  It literally takes less than 10 minutes a day of deceptively simple exercises over a couple weeks to get this stuff under control.  

DO IT.

*Google and people saying off-hand remarks to me for years.

 

Field Trip : ABLMS

What the hell is ABLMS?  It DOES NOT sound like a fun field trip.  It sounds like an acronym for a horrible disease.

But DO YOU LIKE FOOD? DO YOU LIKE CHEAP, BUT AWESOME, LOCALLY-RAISED FOOD?

ABLMS stands for Andrew Boss Laboratory of Meat Science, located on the "farm campus" [ahem, St. Paul] at the University of Minnesota - Twin Cities.  Professor Boss would have made any urban homesteader or hipster farmers marketer proud with his pioneering philosophy on quality and variety in meat production. 

More importantly for you, it's the location of the U of M Dairy and Meat Salesroom, where you can buy fantastic ... wait for it ... meat and dairy at well below grocery store prices. 

I heard legends of the store through a few foodie, cheapskate friends and then came across another tale of it's glory in the charming Minnesota Table : Savoring Local Food throughout the Year by Shelley Holl and BJ Carpenter.  

The hours were a bit baffling, clocking in at 2-5pm on Wednesdays.  Only.  Ever.  And those hours didn't include the extra time you'd presumably have to spend finding parking on the notoriously unparkable St. Paul streets and standing IN LINE before the doors open to the eagerly-waiting public.  

Last week brought an open schedule at 1pm on Wednesday, and I packed up and headed out a bit warily for my excursion.  Plugging in the location to my Google and arriving just a short time later (I do live in the "farm country" of the Twin Cities, meaning St. Paul), I found a brightly colored sign marking the market entrance directly in front of a prime parking spot.  

It was fate.  Fate wanted me to buy as many products as I could fit in my bags and lug home.  The short walk to the doors proved it.  

January is the "slow month", but there were still over 10 people filling the tiny store (my highly honed estimating skills make the entire room to be 14' x 35') for the 30 minutes I collected goods.  I've heard all other months, there's a line outside the door, where you wait for one customer to leave, so another can go in.  

Each long wall is filled with tall freezer and refrigerator coolers, filled with ice cream, cheese, sometimes yogurt and cottage cheese, and meats of all varieties.  Meats run the gamut between regular ground pork/beef/turkey and roasts to all sorts of fun offal, suet, and interesting cuts.  There's also pre-made burgers, sausages, and jerky.  

If you're in a hurry or don't need to gawk at all their products, you can pre-order your items and the student staff will have them waiting for you when you arrive on market day.  

Is everything delicious?  So far.  I bought a variety of staples for my first go, and for feeling like I paid so little I stole it, I'm impressed.  

Want to see what they offer? Here's a list of meat products and dairy products (not all things are available all the time).

Follow the yellow-signed hallway:

The goods:

If you happen to get there (or have been there before!), I'd love to hear what you think about ye olde ABLMS.

Reasons I'd Be A Great Mom

I have a full time job as a familial manager.  I also have a part time job as a ballroom dance instructor.  While many days, I'd love to drop that first title and go all in as a dance teacher, I don't think my young offspring are too great at cooking and driving... yet.

Some other days, the draw of being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom, not something dirty) is strong.  There are several reasons I think I would excel when focused at this job:

1. Increased Domestic Goddess Status.  Let's not even mention how good I am at cracking eggs (the best, weird compliment I've gotten from a friend).  But my Tupperware estimation skills are unmatched: I can eyeball any leftovers and correctly chose the perfect size container to exactly fit said leftovers.  
2. Larder Expansion. I have a garden and deep freezer.  I can stockpile food like a conspiracy theorist with a d-day bunker.  In other words, I can hosts parties at any time.  With out of season produce.  
3. Life Goals. I could really buckle down and start watching soap operas and eating bon-bons like all good housewives do.
4. Better Stats.  I'm trying to raise my EOF. [Earned Offspring Fortitude] Currently, I have patience for 3.5 kids at a time.  I think with a few more hours of mental preparation available a week, I could totally up that average to 4.2 kids.  
5. Continued Domination of Crafty Nonsense.  In no time, I'd be sewing elaborate Halloween costumes (well, more elaborate ones?), yarn-bombing the foot bridge by my house (THE WHOLE THING), and making theme weeks for the WHOLE YEAR.

Do you think I'd get hired?