Riot and Frolic

On Running

I run three days a week.  I have done this off and on for four kids (it's easier to say that than keep track of the years).  Each morning, as I hit the sidewalk, I groan.  Not merely an under-my-breath, mostly inaudible sort of groan, but a loud, full body, complete with eye roll GROAN. 

I don’t want to go for a run.  No mom of a newborn who’s had a few random hours of sleep wants to chuck herself out the door for some cardio.  No Minnesotan wants to leave the house when it’s chilly out and they have to put on too many layers of clothing. Lord, no sleeping person even wants to get out of bed because it's comfortable and warm in there and the running is cold and high impact and UGH.

Scratch that.

Nobody wants to go running.

Don't get me wrong, people like running.  But they like the effects of running.  The middle parts (the wind in your hair! the hypnotic rhythm of your feet! the quiet! the nature! the time alone!) are fun. The end parts (a new PR! a good workout! a clear head!) are delightful.  The health benefits (high metabolism! strong legs! increased endurance!) are fantastic.  

But inertia is a bitch.

The effort to get out the door is immense and often feels insurmountable.  Especially when there's a warm cup of coffee in your hand and blankets on the couch.  

When I was running longer distances, I’d tell myself “the first mile is the hardest”.   Which means, right now, basically the whole run is the hardest.

But if I don’t run that awful first mile right now, I’ll never get to that third or fourth mile. I'll never enjoy those middle parts, which are especially excellent in the springtime, blissfully quiet and relatively effortless and pretty and empowering.

So I’ll head out the door again tomorrow, and to start my awful mile and shake off the irritating nature of starting something hard, I'll let The Groan out, to which my neighbors have become accustomed.

Unfortunately, strangers passing by, have not.

Life with a Newborn - with a Crappy Graph

Sometimes I forget how life is after I bring a new baby home from the hospital.  You'd thnk I remember by now, what with 5 of these experiences in my pocket, but NO.

Since momnesia is real, I decided to make myself a graph as a visual reminder of what to expect when I'm no longer expecting, and just expected. Like, to do stuff. 

 

 

On a usual day, I would wake up in the morning (1), make a cup of coffee (2), make lunches for the school kids (3), wash some dishes (4), start a load of laundry (5), and make a list of three very necessary things to get done that day (6).  

Nothing too earth shattering.  Just the morning routine.  

Inactivity

But now, somewhere in the middle of getting a sinkful of soapy water, this new baby needs to eat and he's not at that cool baby stage (several months down the road, Kathryn) where he can hold a bottle, so I drop everything and sit on the couch for 20 minutes.  

While this could be a restful respite from the rat race of being a normal human, there's only so much social media one wants to consume, I discovered.  And only so many words in ANY book one can read.  And only so many shows that will capture one's attention on Netflix.  Even the glow of meditating wears off after the hundredth "break" in two weeks.

(For those who need help with my math: let's say babies eat 8 times a day minimum every day, that's 56 times per week, which is at least 18 hours a week, which is longer than the average season of a sitcom, more time than it would take to read the entire Hunger Games series, and about twice as long as even the most die-hard Tweeter is on social media each week.)

Don't get me wrong: I dig spending some time bonding with my child.  I make eye contact and talk to him and all that goobery mom/baby stuff.  

But I also want to eat.  

I want to eat a sandwich with two hands.  Not a possibility, you say, bebe?  One handed sandwich eating is required?  Well, now you are my napkin, baby.

Less Than Inactivity

Did you notice the blue line actually goes BELOW zero?  

How can one get less than nothing done? you might ask yourself.  

When a normal person goes to sleep, they get through all those groovy sleep cycles and their body and brain repairs itself in that miraculous way that sleep does.  

When a newborn parent goes to sleep, your sleep cycle is at the mercy of a tiny totalitarian who might like to sleep in your armpit, or sleep when vertical and being walked AND ONLY WALKED, or who might want to tell you all their baby secrets at 2:11am, or who might want to tell the neighbors all your secrets at 2:11am. These small dictators might wake up once or 12 times at night and it cannot be predicted.  CANNOT!

Those times in your youth when you complained about that [rejuvenating] 5 hour night of sleep you got?  You'd settle for four uninterrupted hours.  And the lucky synapses that would fire faster because of it.

Activity

During those amazing minutes when I feel a bit energetic and the baby is sleeping somewhere peacefully (rascal!), I make a quick but thorough plan of attack:

• run upstairs (OMG QUIETLY) and grab my laundry and that book I was reading and the stamps to mail thank you cards
• run downstairs (STILL QUIETLY, YOU ELEPHANT!) and throw the laundry in
• back to the main floor to wash that tepid sinkful of dishes (QUICKLY, I HEAR STIRRING IN THE BASSINET)
• throw together a smoothie bowl (IT'S TOO LATE, HE'S AWAKE; I'M GONNA RUN THE BLENDER)
• balance your bowl on the iPad on your book with a spoon in your mouth and a water bottle (DRINK ALL THE FLUIDS) and run to grab baby before he loses his shiz.

It is less than the average adult might accomplish, and yet, I WANT AN AWARD.  Or some cake.  

I'd definitely settle for cake.

Don't Know What I'm Doing: Hot Jam

A couple of people have compared me to Jessica Day from "The New Girl" and I usually blow it off as she's a great Every Girl who epitomizes how many of us feel from day to day.  

But tonight, I'm excitedly sitting in my dining room listening to the lids on my cans pop.

AKA, I'm having a JAM-boree.

Hot JAM, it's warm in here.

I'm canning.

Jam.

I've done some simple canning before.  I think only ever tomatoes.  And those are exciting enough!

But now the bar has been raised. 

There has been pectin and sugar and "setting" to worry about.  

But a mere two hours later (the kitchen is even CLEAN; I know, shut up), 4 out of 9 half-pint jars of strawberry jam agree that I didn't totally blow it.

The day started out innocently enough, when the crew and I picked roughly 20 pounds of berries.  And if you thought the 7 of us could destroy a "party size" bag of M&Ms, you should have seen us plow through this sign of summer.

[Note: we are in the middle of Strawberry Week where we are reading awesome books such as The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and the Big Hungry Bear aaaaand creepy ones like The Grey Lady and the Strawberry Snatcher, eating lots of strawberries, and Wimbledon.]

Anyhow, I felt I had to start putting my excellent jar collection (thanks, C&J!) to use and I figured I could sneak 5 pounds of strawberries away from the fam if I threw on some Pinky & The Brain cartoons after they were all tuckered out from swimming (thanks, B&K!).  

I read three different sets of directions about 50 times each: the recipe that came with the Sure-Jell pectin, the Ball canning website strawberry jam recipe, and The Pioneer Woman's pictorial version.

I followed directions.

I rejoiced when I saw my jam had set in the pot while I was taking the jars out of the water.  Because if I've learned anything from British television, it's that a runny jam is not going to cut it.

And...

PING

Now 6 out 9 jars agree that I'm not a moron.

Doing Weird Things

I've been trying new things lately.  They often seem weird and I often feel stupid attempting them.  Most of the time, I don't have anything but my wits and good ol' Google helping me out.

I've Instant-Potted four things in one day so I didn't have to turn on the oven or stove.

The garden has gotten new plants (some which have been previously ventured and failed miserably) because dammit, I'm going to grow some shit.

I've drilled holes into plaster and lath.

Most recently, I've tried doing more Instagram stories.  [insert laughing crying emoji here]

I'm pretty sure I've done a lot of other cool stuff, but you get the picture.

The fun part is that what seemed weird at first now seems pretty easy, but I had to keep trying them.  

JUST LIKE DANCING.

I don't know if you remember learning how to do a Rumba box (International dancers, stay with me), but it was pretty weird for most of you. The majority of you did that unnecessary tap step after your forward and back steps (forward, tap, side together, back, tap, side together), you couldn't stay on beat unless someone was counting loudly in your ear or holding you on time a bit, you often skipped and/or added a step out of nowhere, and a good quarter of you liked to rotate to the right instead of left..

Once you get past the basic step for any dance, there are patterns that exist to expand your repertoire.  I personally teach syllabus patterns.  And I'm not your wits and ye olde Google either.  I've had pretty good training and A LOT of experience, plus I love a good rulebook. I'm also not some kook with a YouTube channel making up Quickstep (does anyone remember that lady?!). 

I go for the super-simple NDCA syllabus patterns (with acceptable variations), not even the crazy-fun, long, and complicated Freds, Arthur Murray, or even DVIDA patterns (most of which I know for kicks).  I've heard comments that I teach weird patterns and combinations, but if you're in the learning process, aren't all unknown and unused patterns and combos weird?  

Sweetheart [Parallel Breaks/Cuddle in Rumba] seems weird to people who haven't "cheated" their timing before or to someone who learned Turkish Towel first.  Hell, the 6-count Underarm Turn [Circle Turn] is awful to those who have stayed in Closed Position all their lives or who think Rumba will always consist of "step side together".  And turning to the right (regardless of your Rumba rotation preference in the beginning)? Get out of here.  Awkward awkward awkward!

On the other hand, many of our students (who are mostly pro-am-ers who compete in syllabus levels) are happy to know that they have routines that fit the requirements (EVEN IF YOUR INVIGILATOR FRIEND AND HUSBAND PULL A MEAN AND HILARIOUS TRICK ON YOU AT ONE OF THE BIGGEST COMPETITIONS IN THE NATION) but don't look the same as everyone else's.  

The next time you think you're doing something weird, realize that you're just doing something new to you and that if you keep doing it, you might like it.  

Two years ago: So You Want to Be a Pro - The Myths

Five years ago: Dandelion Crowns

Six years ago: Facts About Motherhood

I'm Not A Beauty Blogger

I do not qualify in any way as a beauty expert, except that my sister-in-law stated that "I've never seen anyone in the real world, outside ballroom dancing, do contouring well."

So there's my qualification.  Not a great resume, but let's run with it.

I have four products that make my life infinitely easier and help me look like I care about my looks on the daily, but here's a secret:

Deborah Lippman Gel Lab Pro

Problems:

I never think I have time to let my nails dry after I paint them.

I can't stand it when nail polish chips, but I wash dishes, and build shit, and paint, and lift things, and type, and use my hands A LOT.

I like super bright colors... that show chips.

Solution:

This crazy base and top coat.  I bought it after buying a couple of Deborah Lippman's nail colors, which are always amazing (I also love Ciaté London colors and lasting power), and this stuff did not disappoint.  After using it, I went to get a "real" maincure for an event, the nail tech asked me if I had gels on, because it was NOT coming off with regular remover.  

I can wash a week's worth of dishes (think of how much I cook and how many people I feed) before there's even wear on the edges.  It is amazing.  Highly recommend.

Lipsense

Problem:

I talk. A lot.  Especially when I'm teaching, but also, just... always.

Lipstick will not stay on through my jabbering and it's my go-to "hey, look at how good I look" makeup move.  

"Long-lasting" lipsticks have generally felt kind of gross and dry. 

Reapplying lipstick between rounds of dancing was annoying, so much more so than that extra layer of hairspray.

Solution:

Lipsense.  Yes, that whole MLM product that someone has tried to get you to buy in a Facebook party.  Well, I love it.  I got one, tried it, and now I have 12 more.

It stays on through teeth brushing, my talking, eating almost everything (greasy burgers are the exception), sleeping (WHAT? SOMETIMES I DON'T TAKE OFF MY MAKEUP AT NIGHT), dancing, workouts, lots of sweating (aka comps and shows), and swimming (because sometimes you get fancy and then hang at the pool).  The colors are bright (well, the ones I get) and awesome.  It doesn't feel like hell 12 hours after I put it on.

I'm sure it doesn't work for everyone, but good God, I love it.

I DO NOT SELL IT.  I'm sure you know someone who does.  Ask me if you want a hook-up, though, because my girl is great.

Stila Stay All Day Liquid Eyeliner

Problem:

I have hooded eyelids.

I have slightly oily skin.

I sweat when I do active things (which is often).

I like eyeliner.

Solution:

This eyeliner.  I have tried MANY other products (including cult fav Kat Von D and the kind from the aforementioned makers of Lipsense, among others) and this one stays ALL DAY, as advertised.  I don't need to use an eyeshadow base with it, which is nice, because while I like to look put together:

Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz

Problem:

Eyebrows are annoying.  

Solution:

This pencil.  It stays on through all those previously mentioned activities, and is pretty foolproof to apply.

 

What are your go-to "I look put-together" products?  

 

This is for Tracy.  ^^^ :)