Dance Products I Hate

If you hadn't noticed, I am a ballroom dancer.  I have been for quite a while.  

If you hadn't noticed, I am opinionated.  Again, for a while.

Combine this experience with this personality trait and you get this:

Dance Products I Hate

• those stupid not-Capezio fishnets.  What do they even do?  FYI: fishnets are worn to "hooshz" (pull in) all the jiggly bits that aren't meant to jiggle.  Cellulite be gone!  Even-colored skin tone be glorious!  They hurt to wear a little with their hyper-effective properties, but it's like wearing a bra, and we all do that most of the time. And EVERYONE SHOULD WEAR THEM.  Yes, even you skinny bitches should wear them.  [Exceptions include any professional lady in the finals, and, that's it.]
  

  no
  But these?  Useless.  Saggy, shreddy, stupid, non-hooshzing, useless uselessness. [Buy: Capezio or bust.  Caramel (light tan) is good for most ladies, toffee (dark tan) is for VERY tan dancers.]
• clear Ardell lash adhesive.  Like a burning, ficklely adhesive, drippy product is what I'm looking for in something I put near MY EYES.
  

  no
  [Buy: Ardell's DUO white lash adhesive, which comes in a tube, dries clear, and isn't annoying.]
• the color that Supadance considers "flesh" in a smooth or standard shoe.  Waltz tango foxtrot, indeed.  
  

  so light
  
  
  

  just right
  For my all shoes to be relatively the same color, and match the "toffee" color of fishnets that I own, I dye my smooth shoes (with tanning liquid).
  

  no
  If you're wearing "caramel" fishnets, you have nothing to worry about.  If you're wearing "toffee" tights, and haven't dyed your shoes to match your legs, your feet are glowing beacons of technique, for better or for worse, and *gasp* you're shortening your leg lines.
  

  no
   [Buy: shoes that match your leg color.]
• ProTan - smelly, weird, streaky self-tanning liquid.  Maybe it was the early '00s way to get bronze, but it sucked.  
  

  no
  [Buy: anything from Danceshopper's Self-Tanning page.  I'm a big fan of Dance Spa Competition Color.  Note: some products are better used to enhance existing tans, and not as a base.  If you ever have a question, leave a comment and I'll let you know.]
• false eyelashes with a thick band.  There's difficult to put on symmetrically, make your eyes disappear, and look literally heavy.  
  

  these might be fine, but look suspiciously intense
  Falsies should make people say, "Gosh, her eyes are pretty," not "Gosh, she has false eyelashes on."
  

  yes
  
  [Buy: Ardell's Fashion Lashes 105.  GAH!  LOVE THE 105s!

What do you love/hate to use for dancing?  Did I bash something you dig?  Let's complain!  Let's recommend!

Next week is Mustache Week!  This guy is going to kick it off, but I bet you don't even recognize him without his awesome 'stache.

One year ago: Don't Think About It, in which I didn't know that very talented athlete was also crazy.

Two years ago: Can't Name This Post, in which I was too busy naming a baby to name my post.