The Horrors of Motherhood

I've written the facts of motherhood before, now I'm here to talk about the horrors.  Sometimes, I think they're the same thing.

• You will not be able to watch violent movies. For some of you, this might not be anything new.  But me?  I used to love a good action flick, including the violent ones.  But the more kids I have, the more they... affect me.  Like terrible nightmares and uncontrollable sobbing, either at the same time or separately.  Good times.  Recently, I took in Reacher (a dark B-like movie along the lines of Drive) and the military flick, Act of Valor.  Ay yi yi.  Haunted.  Acts of violence involving children, obviously, make the situation worse.  That should come on the movie rating label.   I guess I'll just watch Pitch Perfect... again.
  

  thank you
that thing?  You know, that little blob?  No, not the baby.  The one that's still attached to you, right below your navel.  That thing?  Doesn't go away.  The "marsupial pouch" (even with koala bears involved, it is NOT cute) might disintegrate after the first or second kid.  But after 3, you're really have to work for it.  You are not 17 anymore, and that flat belly requires persistence or surgery.  

she knows what i mean
• When some delightful people let your babies sleep over at their house, your initial response of "Yippee!  I'm a free lady!" will quickly wear off around naptime/bathtime/bedtime/arguingtime when your second response of "Dammit, I have no one to read to/dry off/snuggle with/put in a corner.  [sad, lonely face]"
  

  sometimes baby IS in a corner, usually for yelling at her sisters
• True to Tina Fey's word, you will often have food or drool or something else on your clothes or face or hair and not even know it.  
  

  amen, sister
• that quirky trait you had as a single lady as "not having an inside voice" becomes a major headache when your offspring have the same quirky trait and you're all in an elevator together.  Similarly, realizing your tone of voice sucks most of the time and you need to stop whining, complaining, and over-reacting because the little people are clearly learning from your behavior. 
  

  get me out of here

Am I the only one who struggles with these things?  What makes you nuts (or ecstatic) about your kids?  

One year ago: It's Not Creme Brulee.