Riot and Frolic

Why I Hate Dancing With The Stars

While Dancing With The Stars has bought unprecedented exposure to ballroom dancing, I must argue that it sucks for the industry.  In the land of trying to set realistic expectations for students, Hollywood has put the glitter in everyone's eyes.

Here's why:

• I have had several students lament that they're not as good as [Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith, Donnie Osmond].  Well, no.

1. Most students fail to see that the measuring stick that DWTS holds up to regular amateurs is not equal.  Celebrities on the show are celebrities; aka, very very wealthy, often elite athletes, and seasoned performers.  Not the usual qualities for a 50 year old computer engineer.  
2. These celebs devote 20-40 hours PER WEEK preparing for the show.  An average of 30 hours for four weeks DOING ONE ROUTINE.  For most people, that's at least a year of lessons.  By the time you get down to the final, most of the celebrities have logged as many hours as most students will log in their entire career.
3. Most regular students don't have something on the line, like their pride and being watched by millions on national television.  You bet your bippy you'd be kicking your ass into gear if 20 million people were watching you.

• DWTS stars learn a routine.  They don't learn to dance.  I'm sure if you asked Apolo Anton Ohno to dance a waltz with you, he'd have no idea what to do.  Same thing if you tried to lead Shawn Johnson in a swing.  The TV people learn choreography, not lead and follow.

• Dancing for a television audience and doing an actual dancesport competition?  Very different.  On DWTS, most of the time one couple gets the floor to themselves to showcase their awesomeness (or lack thereof).  At the United States Dancesport Championships, there are 30 couples on the floor just trying to get the judges to notice their awesomesauce.  

• Now people "know" about ballroom dancing.  No, people know.  Like, you ask avid watchers why Melissa Rycroft beat Shawn Johnson and you are sure to get a slew of opinions.  On one hand, it's pretty easy to recognize good dancing, even if you don't know why it's good.  On the other hand, many people think they know what good dancing is because of who wins on the show.  Eh, not so much.

• As good as many of the final routines are, those folks on the telly have also not learned any technique.  They might have learned where to step with a heel versus a toe, but the "why" is not important for them.  They have manufactured an effect with no actual production.  The nuances of leg rise and foot rise, extension and turnout, latin motion and shaping come from practice practice practice and a good amount of sustained education.  

My dear DWTS fans, don't be intimidated by those suckers on t.v.  Under the same circumstances, I'm sure you would be just as good as Jason Taylor or Stacy Kiebler.  If DWTS makes you feel bad, turn off the tube or reevaluate what you're doing with your dancing.  Maybe you should do a Showdance routine.  Or maybe you should just practice your latin motion while watching the show.

Win!

One year ago: On Running With Mediocrity

Unpaid Programming - Shutterfly

HOW MUCH DO I LOVE SHUTTERFLY?

A LOT!

My grams got Zoo a Cabbage Patch Kid doll for Christmas this year and it came with a coupon for a  free 8x8" Shutterfly book.  (Shutterfly makes custom photo albums, prints, stationary, and the like.)

After hemming and hawing whether I had the time/energy to find enough pictures to fit a theme for a 22 page photo album, I decided it was totally worth it... 3 hours before my coupon expired.  

I perused their site and was pleased to find they had adorable, professional, and cool design layouts just waiting for my indecisive mind to try to select.  After picking the most basic template, I also decided on a "first words" book for the little ladies, working with my Instagram photos, some shots from Facebook, and of course, off my iPhoto library.

The "low resolution" warning label popped up on most of my pics, since the majority were from my iPhone.  I was worried, but figured it was an experiment and wouldn't matter too much since I was only paying for shipping (about $8, by the way).  

Besides being appalled and a little proud of how many times my coffee cup has been featured on my Instagram, I was pleased with Shutterfly's intuitive website and design process.  I messed around with a couple of the tile layouts and was curious to see how they would print (would there be white spaces on an otherwise black background?  would it show a "image missing error" in print?).  

22 pages complete, I clicked "order" and spent the next 3 weeks waiting.

To note: I got an email from Shutterfly 12 hours later, saying my book was completed and had shipped out.  But being a cheapskate, I had not paid for any sort of expedited shipping and my package was routed through UPS and then USPS.  While I love my neighborhood mailman (I really do), the USPS held my package for processing just down the street from me for nearly 2 weeks.  I couldn't pick it up, because it wasn't offically there yet, but it was there, you know?  Grrr.  I've ordered a few things online lately and the same thing happened with the USPS.  So, EXPEDITED SHIPPING FOREVER!

Finished product?  Awesome.  The low resolution photos don't bother me at all; they're only noticeable if I look really carefully with a keen eye.  The creative tiling patterns I did turned out great; missing tiles matched the pre-existing background.  The paper quality was excellent, as was the printing and binding (I worked in printing for awhile, so I really do have an opinion).

Guess what everyone's getting for presents this year?

my fav Instagram

daddy and mama, respectively

mae cake and v

zoo

tiling that turned out

Note: Besides the unrelated free book, Shutterfly in no way sponsored this post.  I wrote them a nice email congratulating them on their lovely product and they said "thanks" in return, but I have received no compensation from them.  But maybe I will?...

The Joys of Motherhood

As much as I think one should know what they're getting into with the whole motherhood thing, I feel like I've been a poo-poo-er of rearing children.  But it's a sweet gig, I swear.

• You get to play with your old toys.  Or just pick out the really cool new toys.  My Little Pony?  TOTALLY BACK IN STYLE.  The new cartoon is hilarious and lovely: anime without being too blinky, cute without being stupid.  Building blocks?  NERDY FUN.  Coloring crayons?  THERAPY.  
• Silence is golden.  Never will you underestimate the value of being able to hear your dining room clock, from your upstairs bedroom again.  What is that ringing in your ears?  Silence.  It's amazing.  REVEL IN IT.
• You travel with an entourage.  Granted most people who merit an entourage have their hangers-on schlepp their stuff.  But you're so important, it's the other way around.  
• You will never feel so important or loved.  Especially when you're leaving your children somewhere or picking them up from somewhere or when there's a boo boo that needs kissing or band-aiding.  
• Loneliness is gone.  As long as your little ones are around, you have a captive audience of weirdos to keep you company.
• Clothes shopping takes on new meaning.  Little girls' clothing?  ADORABLE.  It is very hard to pass up Target's kid section without cooing over how cute Mae Cake would look in this hat.
• Your multi-tasking skills will skyrocket.  One friend told me about how she used to make macaroni and cheese for her toddlers while nursing her youngest.  That's just... supernatural.
• You have a personal stylist, or two.  "Mama, those earrings look soooo beautiful."  "Mama, aren't you going to do something with your hair?"  "Mama, you have something on your butt."
• Chores become a thing of the past.  My oldest is the self-proclaimed Queen of the Toilet Paper: she changes the roll when it's empty, fills up our toilet paper tower (that holds 3 rolls), and carries the huge economy pack into the attic (where we store bulk goods) without being asked.  She also likes to make toasted peanut butter sandwiches and my coffee in the morning. 
• You get to eat all your favorite comfort foods.  Cup of soup!  Chicken in the Biscuit crackers!  Mac 'n' Cheese!  Buttered noodles!  Sugary cereal!  Fruit snacks!  Goldfish crackers!

Sign me UP!

One year ago: Discovery: Brewer's Yeast

Sausage and Chocolate

Short story long:

I'm pretty Polish.  I grew up eating kielbasa on any occasion that was barely a holiday.  Our family (and every generation of family that I know of) got their goods from an authentic Slavic deli that is kind of a Big Deal around the Cities.

represent the eagle

Therefore, the "Polish sausage" in the grocery store is a bit of a joke.  Anything labeled "kielbasa"?  Better live up to its name.  

no. no. no.

How does it live up to the venerated Kielbasa label?  If the smell of garlic hits your nose like an ACME anvil, it's headed in the right direction.

yes! and sauerkraut

Jump ahead to this year's St. Patty's Day, where my friend lucked out at The Butcher and The Boar (hey, Heath!) and won the meat raffle.  On her birthday, even!  Raffle prize: some jerky, some olive loaf, and some links labeled "kielbasa".  

My raised eyebrow nearly knocked over the tall dude standing behind me.  

Heath threw the box to me, knowing I'd actually eat the contents.  

Since it sat in my fridge for a couple days before I fried it up, I was beyond skeptical of its scale of greatness, because my fridge smelled like... nothing.  But once I got those babies out of the vacuum seal, a holy heaven of garlic was unleashed.  

People, I am almost embarrassed to admit the following.  And I don't say it lightly (earmuffs, young ones): 

It was fucking amazing.

Amazing! I tell you!

Garlicy, fatty, meaty, awesome.  

So, if you're in town, hit up The Butcher and The Boar (Star Tribune's Restaurant of the Year at 1121 Hennepin Avenue in Minneapolis).  Yes, based on their kielbasa alone, I would tell everyone to patronize them.

And not in that "oooooh, your sausage is reaaaaallly good" kind of way.  The kind of way that'll make you eat there every day FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

BUT THEN, this same friend who plied me with her meat products, told me a crazy tale about a fancy dessert called "S'mores".  But not just regular S'mores.  No, no, no.  S'mores done up by some crafty fiend who made homemade graham crackery cookie things, and then flambéed some CHOCOLATE FILLED MARSHMALLOWS.

CHOCOLATE FILLED MARSHMALLOWS!

Oh shit!  

Next time you see me, you'd better believe I'll be covered in marshmallow and chocolate.

...

Don't make that weird.

One year ago: LLLL.

List of Last Week's Labors of Love

- I've never been quite so proud of my husband.  Usually I do the grocery shopping, but I texted him a list on his way home from work and he came home with this baby.

yes

There are legends about amazing "meat sales", but I always thought they were myths.  UNTIL NOW.

- Told myself I totally know how to read crochet chart and then I read the crap out of this one.

[I made it up as I went along, but my project looks exactly like the picture, so there's the beauty of positive thinking.]

- Tried every homeopathic remedy for getting rids of colds (or viruses).  NONE OF THEM WORK.  I am very close to biting the bullet and going to a doctor to get me some industrial strength antibiotics or weed killer or sleeping pills.  

- *waving hello while kind of smiling and glancing at you sideways*  Hi, new readers.  According to my stats, there's been a few new people milling about and a couple people reading EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN.  That's both creepy and awesome.  [Which is also similar to how I teach a group class: creepy and awesome.]

How's your week?  Did you have a great weekend?  Do you want to complain about the weather?  Did you notice that I didn't?  Do you want to go thrift shopping with me?