Yes, I have been "in the family way" often the last couple years, and while I have done some supposedly unconventional things in these precious months, here are the completely normal things I'm looking forward to doing in the near future...
- stop doing grand plies to pick up anything off the ground. On the plus side, I do have three small picker-upper machines at the ready, as long as it's before 9pm.
- get dressed in a way that is befitting anyone over 3 years old. So much grunting and asking for help. I got these kick-ass Ugg boots for Christmas that to put on, I need to lay on my back and have The G shove on my swollen, huge feet. This is how I use to put Mae Cake's boots on, minus the water retention and swearing and adding in a lot of giggling.
- not carry around a pen and paper to remember my name.
- eat after 5pm. Heartburn has been the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE for about four months. Caffeine and sugar are slight causes, evening hours are major cuases. and I can't eat spicy food ever. I CAN'T EAT SPICY FOOD. Indian, Mexican, Thai restaurants of St. Paul: I MISS YOU SO.
- do yoga. So much yoga. So much inversion and twisting, oh and running? Oh, HELL YEAH, RUNNING. Jumping and bouncing? YES. Let's go do gymnastics. Come on.
- have a slightly more consistent mood pattern. I know, I know, the next few months will still be a roller coaster of emotions, but we're talking the kiddie fair compared to Six Flags here, people. I am not a crier on the regular, and yet the dude begging for money at the nearest intersection got me the other day. "He's on hard times?... *sob*...He needs help?... *sob*... Where is my wallet?"
- sleep on my stomach. I don't even like to, but not being able to for months and months will make it totally worthwhile. Take that, baby not in utero!
- not hit myself in the belly with the car door, not knock over my students getting into dance frame, and just generally know my depth. Not philosophically, mind you, PHYSICALLY.
- walk up a flight of stairs without having to try to look cool at the summit while I really want to sit down and breathe into a bag for 5 minutes. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN MY TORSO FOR A BABY AND LUNGS.
- wear clothes that fit. I really adore most of my preggo clothes, in the sense that they all feel like pajamas, but I'd love to put on a pair of jeans. With, like, snaps and zippers and stuff.
Bonus: I will drink a scotch, smoke a cigarette, and eat sushi all in one sitting.