Riot and Frolic

Facts About Motherhood

As I'm huddled under three blankies, covered in princess accessories (I might have a crown on), trying to fend off some mild food poisoning, I thought I'd remind, or warn, you about the joys of my not-so-new job.

• You will never EVER get a good night's sleep again.  Those babies come out kicking and screaming, and continue their reign on your sleep until you die.  Not only do infants have the gall to wake up in the middle of night, but once they sleep for eight hours in a row, they still rule the night by making you have the most horrific nightmares about them.  I have never had such terrible nightmares until I had children (captured by terrorists, drive-by shootings, and drowning at sea just to name a few unconscious adventures).  Then they grow up and they're not in your house and you worry still and don't sleep then either (I hear).
• The first few times those little babes sleep for more than three hours, you will check on them to make sure they're alive, yet thinking they're dead.
• You will get peed, pooped, and thrown up on.  Meh.  Shit happens?
• You will never get a day off.  Sick?  They still want to play, and eat, and... stuff.  On vacation without them?  Those little rascals will put their adorable voodoo hex on you, so you miss them the whole time.  The hex will leave 60% of the time for having fun and 40% for lamenting the fact that they're not with you.
• You will know a new level of guilt.  Being Catholic, I have at least a Master's degree in that crap, but having kids will put you in PhD territory in no time.  "Am I doing this right?"  "Am I scarring them for life?" The answers are probably "no" and "yes", but that's what parents have wondered for generations and the human race continues.
• Spontaneity will die.  As much as want to come over and have affogato with cool adults, it's 3pm and it's naptime and I have to cook dinner and O. M. G.
• You will horrified by how you behave.  Since kids tend to do everything you do, some day (or every single day) you'll hear your 3 year old use the snottiest tone to her sister and realize where she heard it.  Ew.  Self-reflection.
• Your most used phrases: Eat over the table; Stop it; Don't bite your sister; Because I said so.
• You will hide in your bathroom.  From your own children.  It's cool; everyone does.
• You will have a freakish amount of practical strength.  I'm not talking about lifting cars off trapped toddlers, I'm talking about holding a 20 pound baby for an hour and not having your arm hurt the next day.  

Yeah yeah, "best job in the world", blah blah blah.  Right, right.  

Love you, ladies!

 

The Sugar-Free Thing

Hahahaha.  When I wrote the post title, I accidentally wrote "The Sugar-Free Thong".  That is something very different.

not this. ever

No, this is just about giving up sugar, not my choice in undies.  

I started doing a no-refined-sugar thing about two weeks ago and wanted to tell you how it's going, because people seem to be interested.  Or are feigning interest.  Either way, it gives me something to write about, so pretend away!

I have to tell you, as much as I try to eat healthy and you know, cram my face with salad, the ye olde sweet tooth always got me.  I had (ok, have) nooooo problem polishing off a half a pan of brownies (not a 9x9 pan, mind you, the BIG pans), eating 3 Cadbury creme eggs at a time, sitting down with a bowl of chocolate chips, or making friends with a jar of Nutella.  

Big fan of sugar.  BIG.  FAN.

i love you, too

I decided to go sugar-free on a whim and more or less for the challenge.  

Me: I bet you can't do it.

Me: I sooooo can!

Me:  Oh yeah?  Let's see it!

Me: Oh.  It is ON!

[Don't judge my chocolate-lovin', self-talkin' ways!]

It hasn't been too crazy; I still eat lots of treats.  You might have already read about some of the sugarless delights I've tried.  I'm on the search for more.  "MORE!" I say.

I talked to a friend of mine who is a bit of a miracle-worker in the health field, makes turtle brownies from pumpkin puree and with no sugar taste like HEAVEN, and she likes these three sites, sooooo guess what I'm doing after this?

Anna's Top Three Awesome Healthy Treats Websites:

1. Chocolate Covered Katie- duh
2. Elana's Pantry
3. Healthy Indulgences

Anyhoo, the "baking" (there's a lot of no-bake goodies) has been fun and interesting and delicious.  

The pay-off?  For three days, I thought it was making my skin clear up like never before, but then I remembered I started using a different soap.  I haven't weighed myself very recently, but I have read that most people lose a few pounds, so that's a plus.  I'd say my energy is up, but I'd be lying.  I haven't had any sort of amazing epiphanies since laying off the sugarcane, but I likened it to giving up soda.  You might not feel any different, but it is no doubt better for you.  

If you're looking for an easy health upgrade, I'd recommend trying this out.  Remember, this is coming from a girl who hates change (routine is our friend), loves sugar, and bakes a lot.  

What's your eating downfall?  Love the carbs?  Can't live without a rare steak every night?  Let's commiserate!

One year ago: List of Last Week's Labors of Love where everything happens.  Seriously.  

 

List of Last Week's Labors of Love

- funnest trip to the doctor EVER.  They were stickers, water fountains, and HAND BALLOONS!  I must say that the staff at the St. Joseph's Hospital Outpatient Lab went over and above the call of duty.  

The Zoo had to get some blood drawn, and after a couple attempts (yes, with needles- Zoo was a champ), theyasked me to come back when they had a baby specialist in.  When we came back, the guy we had the first day chatted up the older girls, got them stickers, and blew up gloves (HILARIOUS! FUN FOR HOURS!  HOURS!), plus they gave me a $10 gas card "for my trouble".  What?  

hospital hijinks

- the table is being well-used.

a very merry un-birthday to you

- lame project for the week?  Melting the wax out of some candle holders so I can actually use them... to hold candles.  And not wax.

before

 

after

- WARNING!  Cheesy baby alert!

gimme that

my tongue is awesome

chompers

look into my eyes

- And if you didn't have enough...

 

- finding a small drum set...

they've got rhythm

... in a hidden NE Mpls. recording studio...

this place makes music

... while Broken Spoke lays down some tracks.

who could ask for anything more

"Dear God, man, save some sex appeal for the rest of the world."- girl who "pinned" this picture

To Improve Your Dancing...

STOP WEARING PRACTICE SHOES.  

 

stop it

 

[If you're new to the ye olde R'n'F, you're about to step into the world of ballroom dancing.  I'm opinionated on the subject, and usually right, but I have a lot of experience and learnin' on the subject, so be warned.)

Unless you are teaching (a lot), have an injury (of the knee or lower, not your wrist, you nerd), are over 82 years old and have vertigo and a bad hip, or are practicing for more than 3 hours at a time, please put on the proper footwear. 

Wearing your practice shoes (ladies especially) does not give you the opportunity to do the proper technique.  The more you wear your practice shoes, the more you are practicing the wrong technique.  

Ladies, remember when you were practicing your chainné turns in your flat shoes, then you put on your high heels before Showcase and were falling all over the place?  If you wore your heels the first time, you'd be twice as good at those turns by now.  Grrr!

 

Do you think she ever puts on practice shoes?

Men, you felt pretty solid on your feet until you donned those damn Latin heels.  Now where is your center?  FIND IT.  Find it faster by pulling those man-shoes out after you pass your Bronze test.  

 

 

but please wear black socks

Ladies, heel leads and toe releases are soooo easy, right?  Oh wait, I have to dance in heels?  Yeah, if you're going to put this on your car:

 

 

I hate this quote, btw

 

... you had better make it true.  

Strangely enough, both Smooth/Standard and Rhythm/Latin shoes are made to help you do the correct footwork and leg action.  It's like they did it on purpose or something.

Insider tip: several high-falutin' coaches don't like it when you wear practice shoes on lessons.  They also like it when you dress up (men: button-down shirts tucked in, nice pants; ladies: skirts and nice shirt).  Why take a chance?  Just dress up for everyone.

Plus, by putting on the right shoes all the time, I never have to answer the question, "When should I start wearing my real shoes?"  

Um, now.

One year ago: Media Frenzy, with added bonus material from today!

To Blend Toddler and Adult Aesthetics...

I have children.  

It's often a surprise to me, so it helps to write it down in order to remind myself (when they're not yelling/singing/talking in front of me). 

Since I have children, it more or less categorizes me as an adult.  Hmph.

In this line of logic, I have children and adults living under one roof.  

I'm in the process of trying to meld our groups' "styles", i.e.,* I'm making their crap match mine.  

My great aunt (both "great" and "great", if you know what I mean) bought V this cute kid's table back in the day.  

useful

It's well-loved by the girls, but the problem is it is well-loved by the girlS.  It is now a kids' table and very much a girls' table (sooooo many tea parties) and while I have nothing against the alphabet (in fact, I rather love the alphabet and use it, like, at least 2 times a day...), it wanted to girl it up aaaaaand blend it in with our grown-up stuff now that it's a permanent fixture in our living area.  

Ingredients:

- one toddler table and chairs set

- oilcloth fabric

- staple gun

- screwdriver

1.  Take a toddler table, like this one, and flip it over. 

before

2. Unscrew all the screws on the underside of the table.  

unscrew and snap photo

2.5.  Ever try to fit a screwdriver to a screw while taking a picture?  I didn't think so.

3. Cut your oilcloth about 2" (that's inches, people) wider than the table.  It reeeeeeally helps if your oilcloth is named something awesome like "Charisma Midnight", like mine was.

cut to fit, duh

4. Get out your new best friend, Staple Gun, and go to town (i.e., by stapling the fabric to the table).

my best friend got terrible reviews on Amazon

5. Repeat the process in steps 1-4 for the chairs.

6. Marvel at your "fancy new table" (V's words).

after

Marvel, indeed, at how the pattern on the chairs is nearly identical.  

pretty and useful

My work here is done.  

what.

One year ago today: Let There Be Light...  Or Not.  Adventures in wiring.

* check out this awesome cartoon